Do I Have To?

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I feel like writing the title of this post as “Writer’s Block” and leaving it blank. This week has been a dry spell. I normally know I need my creative batteries charged when I become verbally inarticulate and I grunt when I think of writing. That has been the situation for most of this week. The last time I felt this way earlier in the year a friend of mine lent me his book, “Writers on Writing”, as the name suggests it is a collection of writers insights on you guessed it, writing. I started reading it then I got bored.

That pretty much is where I am now, struggling to finish books, and the reason why this post isn’t a book review post. My hope is that as I continue to drum the keyboard, some inspiration will emerge and I will blow your mind with this post. Well cursor blinking and Ray Charles in the background, I wish “Georgia was on my mind” as well.

You know there was a time I sat down and asked myself, irrespective of how chewy this nasty bubble gum music generation is. How is it that these Pop artists still churn out their crap? Ok, let me be kinder, churn out their sounds. Happy now? Because let’s be honest, your so called passion is like a human relationship. You go through the phase of attraction and curiosity, romance, friendship then apathy, because you feel like you know all there is to know. So what wakes you up in the morning when all you want to do is caress that pillow even tighter?

I just talk in to the pillow and it holds me. I stay in bed. I think my mind has chosen to stay in bed when the rest of me awakes! At times what concerns me; I am not sure whether it is plain old insecurity, self esteem issues or what not. But when you look at your area of passion, calling or whatever you want to term what you may feel you were born to do, that there are a gazillion people on the planet who have been there, and are doing exactly what you do. And you may never receive the recognition you deserve?

I was watching Jack Ryan: Shadow recruit and it was fascinating seeing Kevin Costner in more movie roles. Now he is everywhere, Draft Day, Three Days to Kill, Jack Ryan and others in the pipeline. He has won 2 academy awards and has 40 years of acting to his name. But a younger, actually 20 years younger, Leonardo DiCaprio has been nominated for 5 academy awards and is yet to win any. DiCaprio has won other awards, but just not the Academy Awards, but he keeps at it.

As I work on my manuscript I try to stay focused on enjoying the process of writing the story. It would be great if I won an award and my novel gets critically acclaimed and is a number one bestseller. But there is a reality…that that won’t happen, and I need to be OK with that. There is always someone smarter than me, a better writer and similarly I am 100 times better than others out there. So whether I feel like it or not, I need to keep at it.

What do you know? I managed to write something after all!

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