Too Legit to Quit!

C& C Music Factory was blaring through the stereo. Andy was busy shaking his ‘tail’ as he combed out his ‘fro in readiness for the ‘hang’. He had been looking forward to it all week. Schools had just closed and for the first time in three months he felt alive and ready to take on the world.

Andy pretended he was on stage and used the handle of his comb as a mic and yelled! This school teacher was going to live it up like he was 15 again!

Everybody dance now!” He began to b-boy in his room, he flipped, squirmed and then froze. The man was on fire there was no stopping him.

“I pay the price, control the dice
I’m more precise, to a point I’m nice
The music takes control, your heart and soul
Oh, your body is free and a whole
Dance till you can’t dance
Till you can’t dance no more
Get on the floor and get warm
Then come back and upside down
Easy now, let me see ya…”

Andy rapped along with Freedom Williams. He couldn’t get enough of this track. He was playing it on loop!
“…Give me the music…!

….Everybody Dance now!”

The music was so loud Andy couldn’t hear the knocking on his front door. He was drenched in sweat, he didn’t care; he was breaking like it was 1991.

“…Let the music take control…

Let the rhythm move you….”

Andy whipped his sweat drenched shirt and bandana off and was on it with the “running man”. He was on fire, nothing was going to ruin this retro moment. The banging at the door had got so loud, Andy’s neighbours had come out to see what was wrong. His next door neighbor was fed up of the interruption of her session with Detective Lily Rush. She had just got her hands on the 7th season of Cold Case.

She was already devastated that that was the last season, now some chump next door was going to add insult to injury with his noise. Carol wasn’t going to let that happen. She had Andy’s spare key, she shoved her way past the “90’s retro club”. One overgrown man, had such a dreadful sag, he looked like he had a bad bout of diarrhea in his jeans, dressed back to front in cornrows, bobbing his head, reciting a verse and waving his hands in the air, like he just “doesn’t care.”

‘Uuuuhhhh! UUuuuh! Kriss Kross will make you…jump! Jump!” Andy was yelling so hard, he didn’t notice that Carol had turned off the stereo. She stood there hands akimbo and there was Andy oblivious of the “retro club” in his living room; some pissed off, others laughing at the man’s shocking agility.

“Shake it like you working for tips!” One pal yelled out mocking him! The rest burst out in laughter.

Mel, the “special one” of the group yelled out, “Can’t touch this!”

‘Oooo! Ooooo! Ooooo!” The rest chimed in enthusiastically, and went wild busting hammer moves. Henry who had covered himself in a trench coat unwrapped himself and lo and behold! In all his shinny 90’s glory garbed in a shiny golden hammer pants akin to what MC Hammer wore in his 1991 music video“Can’t touch this.”

Andy bust his moves fighting to keep his pants up. This party wasn’t going to be stopped, it had just began and Carol would need more help to get these sweat drenched, 90’s pop garbed, middle aged men stuck in a time warp, from ruining her Cold Case omnibus.

“Stop! Hammer Time!” Henry yelled out as Carol rolled her eyes and grit her teeth.


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