Love Denied

Tabitha sat up late watching romantic drama movies; she had devoured two entire tubs of ice cream now sobbing and in an emotional mess. Her blanket was now soaking in her tears. She was 35 years old and alone, she didn’t understand why. She didn’t seem to have much luck in her love life. She was a balanced person, she worked hard and excelled, she also played hard, she knew how to have a great time without relying on alcohol to embolden her.

She would always meet great people, hit it off with them, but it never went past a certain point. Word would come back to her through friends and acquaintances.

“She is an amazing woman!”

“She’s adorable, why has no one scooped her up?”

“She is so approachable, the kind of woman I would be proud to bring home to my Mama.”

But there was always a ‘but’.

“But she is too confident for me.”

“She is too blunt and opinionated, that won’t sit well with my friends and family.”

“But I like a woman who will submit, she is too strong.”

“That works best in corporate world not at home. I want a woman who won’t question my every move.”

The list grew day by day, she earned too much, she was too beautiful, she was too this, too that. That was the reality of Tabitha’s life, because of her uniqueness she was a threat. She was a light that attracted, but seemed to also destroy. She had spent the last 35 years of her life shaping herself to fit other people and situations. She recently gave up on that strategy and decided to find out who she was and to love herself as she is. She wasn’t out to please anyone anymore.

Her family loved her nonetheless. They stopped asking when she would get married. Tabitha shelved that all together. She knew there was more to life than marriage and career. She was out to find herself. She was on the right track, up until she plunked herself with dessert and the need to watch a movie. She slipped in “P.S. I love you” and it went down hill from there. Then she watched “The Notebook”. She was weeping by the time she got to the end. She could barely see the TV screen anymore. She kept sniffing the snot back in. She did what most women in her situation and emotional state did.

“What’s wrong with me? I am a good person; I have so much love to give…why doesn’t anyone want me?” Tabitha was a pile of pity by the time she dragged her swollen eyes and Rudolph red nose to bed. Her eyes stung as she shut them with tears still streaming down her cheeks on to her pillow. Tabitha had been in the cyclic crash wondering what life was really all about, even as she sort to love herself and live a full life. She still wondered whether anyone was really out there to love her.

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