What’s the point?

“Hi everyone, my name is Emily! How are you all doing? This is my first time. It is quite interesting that of all the support groups out there, I chose to be part of this one. Hahahaha! Singles Anonymous…you know I saw the ad in the classifieds section of the paper and laughed it off. But I get why we do need to be there for each other, I know some are here to hook up. But I just have been feeling a sense of loneliness and abnormality really.

You see, everyone I know, everyone, including the woman who sells me vegetables, has at least either a child or a spouse. I get that this is not the epitome of life, but human beings were made for companionship. I just feel like I was ignored when the companionship vouchers were being distributed. I was once married to my career, but 5 years ago I opted to pursue my dreams great? Great!

I now had more time that I could manage better and have a more social life. It has been 5 years, I fell in love with a man who I later discovered was married. He never wore his wedding band. I knew he would never leave his wife, or that he would change. Come on, who are you kidding? How do you ‘change’ a 35 year old man? At that age, it is what you see, is what you get.

So there I was wondering what in the world is going on here, there was a pregnancy scare, but I looked at what I was doing to his wife. We amicably stopped talking and engaging with each other all together. The next guy I met was emotionally unavailable and was very clear that all he wanted was sex.

I lied to myself that I was OK with that. You know, we are all human and we all have needs. But every time we slept together and he would wrap up with YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSS!!!!! I would look at his sweat drenched body and ask myself what just happened. The last three months of that mess, I found myself very mechanical in our engagements at times budgeting and planning my work week in my mind while he screamed and tossed me around. Was this all? My body was bored, my mind wasn’t engaged and I felt like a human sex toy. I was a button away for someone else’s pleasure.

Man after man after man, it just didn’t work out and it was in a more logical than emotional sense. I was just incompatible with them. We all wanted different things. I went in to a depression and when I came out of it, I saw your fliers and her I came. I just want to rant and get these experiences off my chest. Is marriage the pinnacle of life? No, I believe not, do I think I will ever get married? No, I think it is wishful thinking. The universe has spoken on a bull horn. But I do need friends who I can hang out with regularly, and that’s why I am here. Thanks for listening!”

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “What’s the point?

  1. Once again, I am blown away by your writing treading where many would rather not. We all wanna write about our happy moments and share them with the world and keep our sad or low moments to ourselves. I am sure many young women can relate to this and they will know that they are not alone. But it also brings to light the standards that we now subscribe to and have accepted. I may not know your motivation towards writing such posts but I take it as a step towards confronting misconceptions and misplaced ideologies that govern and impact women today… As always I look forward to reading more from you 🙂

    • Thanks, true, I guess with every story we share people’s experiences and there is always something to learn. Keep reading!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s