Gossip Queen

“Don’t –Don’t – DON’T Look! Ok! Ok! There she goes, so you remember the story I told you yesterday right? I can’t – you can’t remember? Gosh! Now I have to start it all over again. Sigh. Now where do I begin, so there we were, it was a really cold morning. You know the mornings that are so cold your clothes feel wet. Yeah! It was that cold. So we are busy freezing our butts off and she, yeah, that chic whose passed by gets out of a Range Sport. How now? Not as a passenger my friend. Haiya! She was the driver.

So we stood there wondering what was going on. What was even weirder was she had a checked maid uniform on, it was some useless colour, like checked maroon or something with a head scarf. So us guys are standing there…you know me and the other new chic, yeah! US! Thinking Ala? It’s how? How is it that when she shows up on other days she looks like she tripped out of a Hip Hop music video; heels till her chin, spray on outfits, lips so red she looks like she joined some Morans in slaughtering a cow and drinking the blood. She looks hoochie. Then now when she doesn’t look hoochie, she emerges from a hoochie’s lover’s toy in a maid’s uniform. That was the first day I realised she really has short and destroyed hair. All those weaves she wore looking like she robbed horses of their birth right.

Ok. I am quiet. She’s gone? Ok. So – don’t soosh me. I can whisper she won’t hear me. Well it’s not my fault that the whole office is eavesdropping is it. They should learn to mind their own business. Derek answer the phone! Sheesh. So where was I?  Yeah! Yeah! I know I am meant to answer calls but there are like 50 other people here to answer phones. I am employed to entertain you all.

So where was I? Thanks Jeremy, right so hoochie Mama over there. Fine I won’t point. Was busy leading a double life! Hoochie maid, but that still doesn’t answer why she was allowed to drive the boss’ car. Maybe call centre work is her way to get out of college to become a professional maid. Yeah? Come on! Where are you going?

No I didn’t – well – I – may – have- didn’t –FINE! I made it all up. Look how are we meant to survive this hell hole of telesales. We make a living pretending to be different people and conning people to purchase products they don’t even need. Why can’t I make up an office rumour and ruin someone’s life? I am tired of being Molly from East london and Candice from Seattle, Why Candice? It’s like a stripper’s name. Oh! Candy is the stripper name. Oh! My bad Candice! Oops!

Damn it! I am screwed, the boss! No. No. I was just looking to see if we have an online catalogue connected to Facebook. Well I guess I was wrong. I promise not to do it again, yeah I know strike two. I will get back to work now. Phew! Hag!”

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