Affectionate Brawl

“Unaita nani Kuro?” Pamela remarked in a thick Ameru accent.

The room fell silent and the waitresses’ faces were filled with a familiar dread.

“Ati? Sema tena! I need to hear you call me a prostitute again!” Pamela was livid and she was about to bring the house down. Pamela was short and stout and her face was puffy and orange. Her face looked like someone had slammed it with an orange pie and didn’t peel it all off. Her blouse was red with her pointy white bra making her robust bosom look like coconuts spilling out of a sack. She stood hands akimbo and her jeans made her thighs looked like sausages. Her toes hung out of her sandals looking like E.T.’s fingers trying to find their way home.

The man she spoke to had no idea what was about to befall him. The man was busy bobbing his head and sipping on his brown bottle slurping away like a salamander.

“Ongea sasa Mujinga wewe!” Pamela poked at the man violently with a menacing look on her face. The man was unfazed. He continued to bob his head cradling his brown bottle.

“Unanichezea sasa! Ei!” Pamela yanked the man by the collar. Again the man was completely unmoved. Her fist came ripping through the air and the bottle smashed to the ground. But it wasn’t the drunk on the ground.

“Woi! Gai! Manataka kuniua! Gai!” Pamela was flailing on the ground like a beached whale unable to stand. The drunk raised his hand gesturing for the waitress to take his order.  Pamela emerged from the ground and rammed into the man falling right on top of him. He moaned violently.

The music zipped to a halt; people cleared the dance floor, some laughing some, cursing them for ruining their fun. Pamela’s back was now on the man’s back whose face fellowshipped with the floor violently. She lifted herself and wiggled around pushing his face further into the floor.

“Die! Die! DIIIIEEE!!”

The floor rumbled and a set of tall, dark buff men emerged and made their attempt to pull Pamela off. She squirmed like a worm on top of him, squeezing him more; his face was smashed against the dance floor. What this was about no one cared. No one wanted to know, Pamela was the neighbourhood bully who always wanted a fight.

The bouncers finally peeled her colossal mass off of the man who was now bleeding in his mouth; black and blue on his forehead.

“Aki! I will never come back here again!” The man staggered out.

“See you next week same time Tom.” One of the bouncers said.

“Ok Jeff!” Tom responded.

“You really need to stop picking fights with Pamela.”  The second bouncer remarked.

“Cheers Peter, I know she will come to like me sooner rather than later.” Tom remarked.

“Hehehehe! Yeah right!” Jeff chuckled.


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