Stuck on “Jerry”

“Why I am here? I know I shouldn’t be here…Walk away Nanu. You can do it. Sigh! No I can’t who am I kidding? I can’t do it!!! I can’t throw away all those years together. How did Sarah do it? The last I gave it a shot, the pain was unbearable. What will life be without…? God my heart hurts, need to breath, it’s the only thing on my mind anymore. I can barely work. I can’t eat. Crap! Here comes the boss! The cursor’s been blinking for too long on a blank screen. Please walk away…please…please…please…Crap!

Damn it! Now I need to stay in this peanut paying dump longer! Nkt! Nkt!NNNKKKKT! Why the hell am I hear, why did I have to say yes? Why Nanu? Why do you always do this dumb stuff? I am so stupid. Lord it is only 9am, that was the slowest hour in history. I can’t deal. I am so angry I want to scream, I am anxious. I really…sigh! Why? Why? It was fun in the beginning, it felt good…it felt…mmmm…it was heavenly…it never felt so good. I wish it never had to end!

Is there something on my face? Why is that HHB looking at me? Self righteous pervert. Eeeeww! I need to shower. Eeewww. I really can’t unsee that? I walked in to this office expecting some decorum, now here’s Mr. I tripped out of a circa 1980 T.P. OK Jazz music video. Trousers tied so high up at his waist he can answer his cell phone without pulling it out of his pockets. Eeeww, need to go outside.

I want to call…NO! Don’t Nanu stay focused you can do it girl!!! Deep breaths, deep breaths! Ooooo! What the? Oh! Man this office eye candy makes me melt with that chocolate skin, big brown eyes and delish dimples….mmm… Nanu snap out of it you are flirting with him! You are here to work not…just snap out of it! Lord why does he have to leave? He is like a Michael Ealy, Taye Diggs, Kobe Bryant mash up, Lord and he smells like he owns a perfumery. Put your hand down woman! Sigh! And he has a darn wedding band! Aaargh!

Sigh! I need…right now….J.e.r…no need to stop, can’t dial that number. I need to fight it!!! What else can I do to fight it? Food? Call Sarah to kick this to the curb, so I don’t call…This is hard… oh! No please don’t….don’t…aki please….I can’t hold it back anymore there they go. The floodgates! Gosh this hurts. No! No! No! She can’t see me like this don’t want to be a topic of office muchene…Aki please….MOTHER!!!….

Screw this…I am shaking…need to go back to the ‘field’…MASSER sent his slutty assistant. Jerry and I need to spend some quality time soon because these ticks and tremors need to bounce…damn it Kuro!…fat ass got a promotion thinks she can boss me around…aaarggh!”


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