Earth shattering day

The room went dark; Patricia looked around hoping that no one would see what she was going to do. She slowly lifted herself from her seat and let one rip……….ssssssssssuuuuuuuuuuuuuufffffffffff. And just as she was trying to readjust her position on her seat the lights went up and everyone around her looked squarely at her. Patricia completely forgot that there were people less than 10 inches away from her. The stares turned into chokes and coughing, hand fanning and people walking away. She was lucky that there were only 5 other people in the audition waiting studio at the time. They had already been briefed and given scripts to memorise and some had left the room to rehearse elsewhere in the compound.

Patricia had wanted to be part of this production from the time she heard that Rubati Sholi the renowned film producer said he was going to work on a bio pic of one of the hugest icons of African pop culture, Remi. Patricia idolized Remi, she was now 75 years old but her music, activism and fashion sense had shaped generations.  And now she had a chance to portray her idol.

Patricia had a bit of a problem, she had eaten some bad mutura the previous day and that stuff set her tummy on an Ezekiel Kemboi, David Rudisha and Pamela Jelimo cocktail. She was lucky she was able to make it to the audition venue.

But now her tummy turned from athletics to weapons of mass destruction. The audition studio was saturated with the gases of her innards. And now she was busted. And while she was trying to overcome her embarrassment her stomach started to growl all over again and the discomfort unbearable. She knew that feeling. If she attempted to let this one rip, it wasn’t going to come out alone. And just when things couldn’t get worse, in the adjacent room where the panel was, the door flung open and “Patricia Kilina!” rang through the hallway. Patricia wanted to die.

Patricia took a deep breath and walked into the room and to her surprise who was seated as a panelist? Yep you guessed it, Remi. Patricia muttered a quick prayer for her tummy to behave itself. She was given 5 minutes to wow them. Her kick off was weak, but built up pretty well and the judges were impressed. She nodded and left the room.

Her tummy was so painful she let a huge fart out in the corridor which echoed. The sound reverberated and found its way to the hearing of Patricia’s neighbourhood crush who was walking in next for his audition. The stench made him cough and gag. There really was no redemption from that. Patricia held on to her tummy, fixed on the spot bug eyed with a pleading look in her eyes. He really couldn’t unhear what she did and what she was unaware of; some of her tummy content was sliding down her leg. Patricia bent over and wailed.


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