Truth really is stranger than fiction

My day today started off super! I got up early, prayed, read the word, showered, got dressed and I was out by 5.45 am. On my way to the bus stop, on the main dirt road in my neighbourhood, the road has sections eroded so there is a usual hop-step- and jump routine to avoid the mixed sewer water and mud. 

This morning, It was hop, slip, smack, fall and scream at 5.45 in the am for me. So after letting out a blood curdling cry in the observation of the chaps ferrying milk and bread to kiosks and the lady who makes mandazi’s by the side of the road. I stood up, irritated, palms painted with dirt and sewer effluent, shoes now flooded with the same. But funny enough the rest of me was fine. Oh! Yeah my bag flung and fell smack on a muddy patch.

So I had to go home and clean up. I disinfected my feet and hands and changed bags. When I was leaving the house again I realized my phone was missing. I panicked and dashed back to the spot. I got to the spot and there it was plugged in a little heap of mud waiting for me in broad daylight! Thank you Jesus! 

I picked it up and cleaned it with wet wipes. And off to the bus stop. I had asked God to help me get a jav to work and pay not more than 50 bob. When I got to the bus stop there they were in their full glory; two large minis buses calling out for people to head to town for a glorious price of 50 shillings. That was till I went to enter one. There was the usual non- tout bus stage cartel blocking the entrance to the buses trying to force people to pay 80 shillings in other smaller matatus parked ahead of the mini buses. 

I looked up and another bus was coming up the road with the touts head out of the window and fist in air – the universal tout sign for 50 shillings. And I was off and in town. Thank you Jesus! I almost tripped again, thank God it was a false alarm.
That does not end my morning. Since I had not had breakfast, I opted to go to Nakumatt to get cereal and some yoghurt. I got the cereal, and headed to the yoghurt section. I pulled out what I wanted but not without knocking two packets over, that fell and burst open splattering on my jeans, and on two Nakumatt attendants. I was stunned.

I cleaned myself, once again with wet wipes. While I was cleaning myself one of the attendants, male, grabbed a cloth and happily wiped the other attendants skirt and legs. He got an opportunity to ‘cop a feel’ he grinned all through. “Sema tu unasikia vizuri nikupanguza.” And he looks up at her sheepishly. She is mum. 

“Sema kama husikii poa pia,” he says as he keeps wiping. Then as he finishes his session of seduction he gets summoned over a tannoy. He curses the hidden cameras. At that point I wanted to shit my pants for some reason. I felt like a kid who had been busted and there was no escape, awaiting wrath. I asked the chap what happens now that the packets had burst. He just says that it is ok, and next time I should be careful. He quickly wipes the mess on the floor and shelf and dashes to where the voice summons him to as he mumbles, “Niaje naitwa ama naenda kufungwa.” 

I hung around still baffled by just 2 hours of my morning. I grabbed the rest of my groceries each carefully from the shelf and headed to the office. I dashed to wash my hands again with Dettol about 3 times. Then told one of my work mates about this. He laughed offered to disinfect my phone, which is now by my side nice and clean.
I am slightly sleepy and stunned, but all in all, I thank God for this day and seeing me through the mess! This is going to be a good day! All this and it is just 8.35 am!


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