It’s been two months now. No work, no need to bother myself looking for work to do. What for? I have no enthusiasm for anything. I can go to live in the village with my mother after all. No money for rent. I will pack up and move out. There really is nothing for me to look forward to when I wake up in the morning.

Dream? Ha! Make me want to laugh and cry for you out of pity! What is a dream? What is there to care for? You turn on the TV, news is your suicide note. You do not need to live. There is nothing to look forward to. Everyone is screwing the other sideways. The sucky bosses, the idiotic touts, the disgustingly obese and greedy politicians, the delusional drunks who think a bottle of alcohol is enough to give up your genitals for a night.

Everyone is out to get something from you. I am tired and maybe this will be my last entry. I bought a rope today; I made a few estimates in my living room. And I have one resolve. My mother might just be proud of it. My siblings may also think it is much overdue. It really is the only thing that will bring me everlasting joy. I might not get that express ticket to heaven for it. But at least my body will indulge in some form of final pleasure on this miserable earth we were all put on.

Before I get into the details of how I will do it. I thought it would be nice to play myself a funky song, something dark and eerie or maybe I should try and speed the process up by giving it a thumper, and I can bob my head, gently as the rope slips through. Eeerk! Writing this is tiring me. I might as well get it over and done with. Drew the dumbie my kid brother, be good to Mama. And no you cannot have my car. Only cool people have the right to drive it.

P.S. You can tell Mum what happened between me and Pete. The idiot didn’t know what good he is missing out on. I will find more cool people where I am going.

P.S.S. I am going to skip my sorrows away. I know what you were thinking Drew, I won’t go down that easily. Catch you at 7pm for dinner!


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