Band-its

The fat lady belted out her last tune and all hell broke loose. One man in the back of the auditorium let out a gurgled cry and lifted up his seat and hit the man seated in front of him with it. The drunk in the corner was awoken by one of his farts, he bent over, sipped the last bit of alcohol from his brown bottle then he staggered towards a mesmerized lanky man and smashed the bottle on his head. Then a random woman with a deep voice and eyeliner and pronounced moustache yelled.

“Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!”

One man jumped on top of a seat then flung off yelling ecstatically and landed belly first on the back of one man who had passed out on the floor. The melee continued unabated. The soloist on stage got carried away and belted out another tune with a rhythm that fit the chaos. The pianist peeled himself from the floor where he kicked off a man who was serving himself his calf for lunch.

One man stood their fascinated by his hiccups and tried to sing along with a persistent, “hick!” sound. The bass player peeled off clothing and wiped off alcohol that had somehow found its way to the front, from the back of the auditorium. It was musical genius; a melodic melee. Fifteen minutes in to the commencement of the fistful performance the room fell silent.

The floor lights went on, revealing the now, alcohol and blood stained walls. One man froze with his blood stained gold knuckle ring ready for the finishing smash that would pound the victim’s bloody face in to oblivion. Chairs overturned with one gentleman contorted; butt in air, on a chair.

 A whistle was blown and the police poured in. The band on stage didn’t stop. They gave the cops a sound track befitting their forceful cleanup operation. With an occasional series of burps from the drunk pianist, providing the track some form of ostinato. It was phenomenal. The cops were so obsessed with getting rid of the hooligans they failed to notice that the band was only an opportunist of the chaos.

This wasn’t just any band. It was the band-its; the musical band of slick pickpockets who made musical chaos. The aim was to entertain, provoke violence and once the cops move in to clean up the mess, they would pick up the fallen wallets and booze and ammunition that the drunk crowd leaves behind. 

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